Saturday, October 8, 2011

Crabby's is crappy.

Upon entering, you are immediately greeted with cold emptiness of darkness.  The smell of a fish market assaults your nose. This would leave one to believe that the fish was especially fresh.  But more on that later.

We noticed there was a pleasant sitting area outside.  A small courtyard with several tables, in the center were two big glass tables with big cushy chairs.  The kind of setting you'd find on the porch of  Kim Kardashian (what is she famous for again?  what?  NO!  I've never watched her show...pfft....why, have you?  Ok, maybe I saw it once.).  We asked the hostess if we could be seated there.  She rolled her eyes and sighed and led us to the first table outside.  Apparently this would not have been her preference of where to seat us; a chintzy aluminum number with chairs light enough to be blown about by the wind was to be our fate.

After ordering our perquisite waters (mind you, this was a fancy place, our 15.00 gift card wasn't gonna get us far and between us we had 7 actual dollars), we checked out the menu and decided the most bang for our buck lay in ordering two appetizers.  By this time, Ashley noticed her glass had some brown sediment at the bottom and brown stains on the rim.  She had already taken a drink and was feeling, understandably, gross.  I then searched my glass for any ickiness.  My search ended with no uncleanliness discovered, but copious amounts of water spilled on the table.  Ashley wiped it up with our napkins, silverware still rolled inside. 

After checking out the appetizer menu, we ordered the two on the cheaper end of the scale, the crab spinach dip and a chicken quesadilla.   While we waited, we were serenaded by loud 80s music with a jazz twist, not exactly our choice of musical style but we could overlook that.  Since conversation was almost impossible due to the blaring noise, we awkwardly looked around at our surroundings and discovered, to our dismay, we were quite underdressed. 

Two girls were seated near us at one of those cushy Kardashian tables.  We're pretty sure the table comes equipped with these girls.  They looked absolutely at home in their short red dresses and strappy heels.  But since we didn't have our evening wear with us, and we weren't on our way to a wedding, we had assumed our jeans and t-shirts were appropriate wear for a Saturday afternoon lunch.  

"Fancy," we thought as we looked around "the food should be good." 

We were wrong.  Very very wrong.

Our spinach dip arrived surrounded by 5 chips.  They did go the extra mile and sprinkle parmesan on the chips (of course, Ashley thought some salt would be better), however there was more parmesan than there were chips.  Along with being very few, the chips were very puny.  It was impossible to dip them in the spinach dip without them breaking.   They seemed much more like someone had opened a bag of Tositos and threw a handful on the plate than the nice crispy thick chips one has come to expect from a restaurant.  The spinach in the dip was over done and chewy, and what little crab there might have been (we only saw 2 tiny pieces) was overwhelmed completely by the onions and jalapenos.  One could probably get better spinach dip by stopping by your local Walmart.

The spinach dip was disappointing but edible.  The quesadilla, however, was not.   It was downright crappy.  Question: when you put corn and chicken and beans and cheese together, is the next thought that comes to your mind "raspberry sauce"?  No?  Ours either, but apparently that was the first thought of the esteemed Crabby's chef.  The quesadilla was topped with raspberry sauce, and served with a side of Thousand Island dressing.  Needless to say, we didn't eat it.  And when our waitress noticed, she agreed that it wasn't something she would have ordered.  "I thought you knew what you were doing" were her exact words.  Oh, how little did she know, we decidedly did not.

We left soon after as we felt continually out of place next to the glamorous Kardashian extras.  (But first I had to go out to my car and get my gift certificate, which I had forgotten.  How embarrassing.)  We walked back through the dark cavernous empty and fishy restaurant and as we drove home, we resolved never to go there again.  In closing, Crabby's is only meeting the expectations of those who like to feel dark lighting and expensive prices make up for mediocre food.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

What did we think about Dink's?

Dink's BBQ in Bentonville didn't sink but it sure didn't swim either. Upon walking in, the diner may be surprised to find a stark industrial room instead of a homey "mom & pop" place. Remove the tables and the ordering station, and you have yourself  a clothes store.  We don't think the owner's have decided what kind of restaurant they have yet.  At a moment's notice, it could become a sub shop, or a mechanic's garage.  The space mostly consisted of several tables and two tiny TVs hung from the ceiling where no one could see them. As a testament to this, Ashley - a devoted baseball fan, ate her whole dinner there without knowing that her favorite baseball team was winning just a few feet away.

Good thing great BBQ doesn't rely on atmosphere.  I had The Plate which was the sandwich of my choice and two sides.  Ashley had the one side option.  I got pulled pork with pickles and potato salad.  The potato salad was a yellow mustard potato salad, but they included a hefty amount of mayo.  Like "The Situation", I too hate mayo and want to punch it like a Snooki (what is a snooki anyway?), so I didn't eat it.  The pickles were just regular dill spears, and although they have fried pickles, you can't get them as a side.  Which was a major blow for Ashley.

Ashley had the brisket.  She reports that the it was tender and delightful, as brisket should be.  She would like to add that we are under the impression that the pickles were in fact Claussen. (Nice choice Dinks)

They have three different types of BBQ sauce.  Ashley accidentally smothered her brisket with the spicy until I pointed it out to her, luckily they have generous portions of meat so she was able to remove the top layer leaving little damage.  She then moved on to the Sweet Carolina sauce, which we both liked.  The original sauce looked like ketchup but tasted like BBQ sauce.  You can buy their sauce for 2.99 a bottle. 

Our only real issue with the food was the sweet tea...which wasn't bad if you like unsweetened tea.  Either someone forgot to put in the sugar, or this restaurant belongs on the upper east coast.  Also, for a bbq place, it was kind of pricey.  A sandwich, one side and a drink will set you back 8.00.

Would we go back?  Maybe.  For the BBQ.  But we'd have to think twice about any BBQ place that can't make sweet tea; that issue really put a kink into what we think about Dinks.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Not mad about Mad Pizza

As your average impoverished twenty-somethings, Ashley and I spend a lot of time trying to  figure out the perfect place to eat.  Finding a place that is cheap AND has good food is like walking a tightrope; but instead of breaking your neck, you end up with a deep feeling of regret and self loathing.

Today, we decided to try a new pizza place.  Some of you may remember Ci-Ci's Pizza, that fabled bastion of endless cheap pizza.  Although the pizza was nice and greasy, the Health Department felt otherwise.  In its place, Mad Pizza was erected. 

At first glance, Mad Pizza seems pretty cool.  It has tootsie rolls and assorted other candies at the counter, along with a friendly staff and the prerequisite quarter vending machines everyone expects in their pizza venue.  The walls are covered in the mandatory Americana style.  The creamy yellow walls provide a warm atmosphere and contrast nicely with the stained concrete floor. 

However, things start to go downhill once you walk past the pizza buffet line.  Maybe it was the fact that it was only an hour and half until closing time, or maybe if was the fact that there was only one other occupied table in the whole place, but they only three types of pizza when we first got there.  One was some sort of taco salad pizza, then there was cheese, and one was plain old pepperoni.

The salad bar was wilted.  The olives were dried out.  And the pickles were hopelessly soggy. 

Luckily, the previously mentioned friendly staff will cook you any pizza of your request.  We requested Hawaiian (I have a thing for pineapples).  But this too, was a let down.  The pineapples were dry and tasteless (Ashley says they tasted bitter), the Canadian bacon was a weird grayish color, and the crust tasted like Passover bread.  It was pretty disappointing.

They did have a delicious desert pizza.  It consisted of pizza crust and some sort of goopy chocolate sauce (we believe it to be brownie mix mixed with milk) covered with chocolate chips. 

In closing, we do not recommend Mad Pizza.  And we're sad we'll see-see Ci-Ci's no more :(