Saturday, October 8, 2011

Crabby's is crappy.

Upon entering, you are immediately greeted with cold emptiness of darkness.  The smell of a fish market assaults your nose. This would leave one to believe that the fish was especially fresh.  But more on that later.

We noticed there was a pleasant sitting area outside.  A small courtyard with several tables, in the center were two big glass tables with big cushy chairs.  The kind of setting you'd find on the porch of  Kim Kardashian (what is she famous for again?  what?  NO!  I've never watched her show...pfft....why, have you?  Ok, maybe I saw it once.).  We asked the hostess if we could be seated there.  She rolled her eyes and sighed and led us to the first table outside.  Apparently this would not have been her preference of where to seat us; a chintzy aluminum number with chairs light enough to be blown about by the wind was to be our fate.

After ordering our perquisite waters (mind you, this was a fancy place, our 15.00 gift card wasn't gonna get us far and between us we had 7 actual dollars), we checked out the menu and decided the most bang for our buck lay in ordering two appetizers.  By this time, Ashley noticed her glass had some brown sediment at the bottom and brown stains on the rim.  She had already taken a drink and was feeling, understandably, gross.  I then searched my glass for any ickiness.  My search ended with no uncleanliness discovered, but copious amounts of water spilled on the table.  Ashley wiped it up with our napkins, silverware still rolled inside. 

After checking out the appetizer menu, we ordered the two on the cheaper end of the scale, the crab spinach dip and a chicken quesadilla.   While we waited, we were serenaded by loud 80s music with a jazz twist, not exactly our choice of musical style but we could overlook that.  Since conversation was almost impossible due to the blaring noise, we awkwardly looked around at our surroundings and discovered, to our dismay, we were quite underdressed. 

Two girls were seated near us at one of those cushy Kardashian tables.  We're pretty sure the table comes equipped with these girls.  They looked absolutely at home in their short red dresses and strappy heels.  But since we didn't have our evening wear with us, and we weren't on our way to a wedding, we had assumed our jeans and t-shirts were appropriate wear for a Saturday afternoon lunch.  

"Fancy," we thought as we looked around "the food should be good." 

We were wrong.  Very very wrong.

Our spinach dip arrived surrounded by 5 chips.  They did go the extra mile and sprinkle parmesan on the chips (of course, Ashley thought some salt would be better), however there was more parmesan than there were chips.  Along with being very few, the chips were very puny.  It was impossible to dip them in the spinach dip without them breaking.   They seemed much more like someone had opened a bag of Tositos and threw a handful on the plate than the nice crispy thick chips one has come to expect from a restaurant.  The spinach in the dip was over done and chewy, and what little crab there might have been (we only saw 2 tiny pieces) was overwhelmed completely by the onions and jalapenos.  One could probably get better spinach dip by stopping by your local Walmart.

The spinach dip was disappointing but edible.  The quesadilla, however, was not.   It was downright crappy.  Question: when you put corn and chicken and beans and cheese together, is the next thought that comes to your mind "raspberry sauce"?  No?  Ours either, but apparently that was the first thought of the esteemed Crabby's chef.  The quesadilla was topped with raspberry sauce, and served with a side of Thousand Island dressing.  Needless to say, we didn't eat it.  And when our waitress noticed, she agreed that it wasn't something she would have ordered.  "I thought you knew what you were doing" were her exact words.  Oh, how little did she know, we decidedly did not.

We left soon after as we felt continually out of place next to the glamorous Kardashian extras.  (But first I had to go out to my car and get my gift certificate, which I had forgotten.  How embarrassing.)  We walked back through the dark cavernous empty and fishy restaurant and as we drove home, we resolved never to go there again.  In closing, Crabby's is only meeting the expectations of those who like to feel dark lighting and expensive prices make up for mediocre food.


  1. I ate at Crabby's 3-4 years ago and had approximately the same experience. Yuck. I wonder how it stays in business?

  2. I know! And it's in an office building, so I'm not sure if a lot of people even know it is there...